Mother's Day

Laying in bed and nursing our son this morning helped me realize that the best present to be given on mother's day is the blessing of having a child. My siblings and I used to make our mom breakfast in bed. My dad would sometimes buy a flower. These gestures of love are wonderful, but they do not compare to having a little person to hold and love. I feel truly blessed today. I'm blessed everyday with our son.

Bridal Blessingway

On Thursday Night, a bridal blessingway was held at The Womb Room by Mama Roots. The decor was based on the book, The Red Tent, by Anita Diamant. This book was #1 on the book list that I had made for the supposed book party in Saint Louis. The wooden toys and birth activism items had been moved out of sight. A red umbrella tent, red lanterns, and a red scarf on a lamp all gave the room a calming and inspirational feel. The red food: strawberries, raspberries, peppers, M&M's, kalamata olives, and sparkling red grape juice were sweet and pleasing to the tonque and worked as a cure for the mind. The bread was good too!

Upon arrival, I could feel the excitement emanating from the old birth center. The stairs lit our way to the spectacular room. There was a candle on almost every other other step. I said hello to everyone and then we transitioned into the blessingway. Mama Roots began the sharing of blessings with some quotes from The Red Tent. To paraphrase, may the color red, the color of love and life, unite us as women. I am so happy that she has facilitated this group in which women can feel comfortable and eager to gather together to share lives. She asked me to tell the story of the supposed book party with everyone. Then, she related her surprise and relief when she realized that I had not yet received my number one choice. I realized why she felt that way when she gave me a signed copy of the book. We hugged. I had read the book about two years ago and loved it for its empowering message that women can be strong and help each other through difficult times. It also includes midwifery. I had never gotten the book. I'm so happy that I waited. I really felt and feel that everything in life has a reason. Somehow, at the blessingway, my life was making more sense and it was connected with this moment and the wonderful ladies.

Women presented beads with inspirational perspectives for the marriage life. I received a wonderful home made butterfly card and two white and blue butterfly beads from Amy. Her advice was to be like the butterfly. May our love transform our souls. I was pleasantly surprised to receive not only beads but also a card. Amy has a talent for photography. Then, Candy presented her white and purple bead with the advice to laugh through the good times and the bad. We have found more than one occasions to laugh at the triviality of the downs. Chris-aka Mama Roots-gave me a wholey rock (sp?). She described an event that happened in the beginning of her relationship with her husband. They both loved wholey rocks. Her advice was to remember that we are not only lovers and partners in life, but also best friends. Thank you. Then, Chris read a blessing from a friend of mine who lives in Kansas City, Tracey. Tracey was not able to come, but she did send an e-mail. She was there from the beginning of Borislav and I's relationship. On the night that was really a first date for us even though we didn't go anywhere, I was really nervous because he was late. Tracey felt my energy and made me some tea to soothe my nerves. She has been so positive about our relationship. I don't know what I would do without her. Her advice was to continue to fall in love throughout our lives together. I'm starting to tear up just remembering this blessing of women in my life. I cried at the same time that night. My friend, Kim, did not realize that she was supposed to bring a bead. She felt bad, but I know that the perfect bead for her to find for me is still out there. It was just a blessing for her to be there. She wished us happiness in her tears and I, again, started to overflow with love. We hugged. Chandra gave a wonderful bead that she got from an Art Fair. Her advice was to know that during the hard times of a relationship is when it is about to become even more beautiful. People fall more in love during the challenges of life, if they are committed to seeing whatever may befall them. I have just met her, but already I feel like she is such a sweet and caring person that I want to get to know better. Jessica arrived and was able to present her beads, which were clear and three pointed. The points were for my fiance, myself, and our son. Her blessing that was said almost towards the end of the evening was for our relationship to be like coral and pearl. It takes years of work to make a pearl, but in the end it is a beautiful treasure. She also sang a song that she and her husband wrote. I really liked the Native American bag with beads, the hankerchief, candy, and removal tattoo that she gave as well.

Part of the blessingway was the tattoing of my ankles. I chose a design that was a sort of chain with a turtle in the center. The turtles were facing each other towards the insides of the ankles. One was a female with a filled in circle. The other was a male with an empty circle. The turtle, for us, represents our relationship. If we endure the hardships and continue on our journey we will find true happiness in this life together. We have built a strong foundation and desire to continue to grow with each other. Chandra drew on the design with a watercolor pencil. Candy mixed the henna with another solution. Then, Amy, Jessica, Kim, and Chris traced the design with henna. It was a very relaxing experience. For me, when the ladies decorated my ankles they were preparing my feet to walk into the next part of my journey: marriage. It was nice to have their support and blessings. I will remember this night for the rest of my life. I hope to be able to share it with my son and future children. I would like to think that more women would choose to have a blessingway before their wedding. It is a time to share experiences, advice, and blessings. I loved sharing mine and hearing others' love stories. It is also a time to reflect on all of our relationships with our significant others. They really are all very special men. I am anticipating our wedding on Thursday. I wish everyone a Happy Mother's Day. Thanks for all blessings everywhere.

May Day Weekend

I've had a pretty full yet not fulfilling until today weekend, so I'm sorry that I haven't had a chance to post the May Day Basket my fiance and I made on Thursday night. It was so much fun to make this basket. It was also difficult to try to make a basket that someone else would appreciate. Firstly, the basket is made out of a cardboard box, construction paper, glue, newspaper, watercolor, tape, and pipe cleaners. All of the items used were reused even the construction paper. We glued on a brown square for the bottom of the basket. Then we covered the sides with purple paper. We coated the inside with yellow. Lastly, my fiance made 1 in. by 1 in. squares to stagger onto the purple paper for a basket like effect. I don't have mature flowers outside of my house, so I just made some out of newspaper and watercolor. First, I cut out variations of circles to watercolor with shades of purple and red. Then, my fiance threaded the pipe cleaners through the center of each flower. I was too scared to rip them. I filled the basket with the flowers and gifts. These gifts were for the mama: a book, tea, and lotion, the little lady: a book of May Day rhymes and songs, candy, and play dough, and the little baby: a blanket, and a book. The flower seeds were for everybody. The picture above is of the basket on the couch that I labored on. I never want to get rid of it. I hope to continue this tradition in years to come. Perhaps, next year our son can be more involved. He was trying to cut out the paper. He wanted to put the pink squares on the purple paper too. :) He really wants to help. I hopes that desire continues as a personality trait.

I loved receiving our basket. I was really concerned that the basket would be soaking wet by the time that I got home from work, but our May Day fairy was smart. She had put our treasures in a box covered with paper in a bag. The treasures were a turqouise necklace, flower seeds, candy, a purse, a book on gardening, a bracelet, a beautiful card with Fairy stickers attached to the amazingly sturdy yet beautiful paper with the tiniest clothes pin I have ever seen (so cute!). I'm not sure how our May Day fairy was able to think of all these treasures that I absolutely love. Turqoise is one of my favorite stones of all time. When I was little, I had a heart of turqouise ring. I'm not sure where it is now, but I remember looking at it all the time. Before I met my fiance, I wanted to teach on a Native American reservation. The bracelet looks like it came from a Native American tribe. I wish I knew which one, but perhaps I will find out someday. The reason I say that is because it is made with very little beads that point in arrows around to a neverending place. The bag that was hard to find anything in has been replaced by the purse. It is a beautiful rainbow with compartments. I do love to garden. I wish we owned a house, so I could do more gardening. We have planted Forget Me Nots this year. We have transplanted an Easter Lily and two Irises. I really would like to plant some strawberries, but we're leaving for Bulgaria in two weeks for a month. The Fairies on the card reminded me of this book that I used to check out repeatedly from the library when I was a little girl. I really wish that I knew the title of the book. It was light pink and had pictures of different kinds of fairies on each page. If there was any book on this Earth that I would cherish to have that I don't have, the fairy book would be it. So, my May Day fairy, whoever, you are thanks for listening somehow to my true self.

So, why was my weekend unfulfilled? There was supposed to be a book party held in my honor in lieu of a bridal shower, but it turned out to be a lingerie party. The lingerie was extremely skimpy. It was thrown by people that have been a part of my life most of my life, which made it all the more hurtful. I felt lied to. I did not feel appreciated for who I was. I did not feel respected for the woman that I am. To me, natural is best. :)

On a positive note, my week has started out much more fulfilling. I've reconnected with my fiance after a weekend apart. Our son is growing more independent every day, which means that he's secure in our love for him. I got to hang out with my friend today at a labyrinth. She helps me feel like I am appreciated and respected and loved, even though we have only known each other for less than a year. I really enjoyed watching her sons play in nature. They were so happy and peaceful. They both gave me tokens of kindness: a rock which I will use with our unity candle and a flower petal that I will press. I'm looking forward to the journey with my son as he ages. She is putting together a Bridal Blessingway for me in lieu of a bridal shower. It's theme is based on The Red Tent. Women will gather on Thursday night to help me transition into the married life. They will bless my fiance and I's marriage with postive energy, delicious red food, tokens, stories, and mehndi. The peace in my heart runs over just anticipating our time together. I know this blog is long. Imagine how my fiance must feel every day. I love that man. :)

A Walk...

This morning, I woke up contentedly around 7 to an eager and thirsty 14 month old. Nursing our son, I felt at peace and complete. He had went to sleep earlier than usual last night, so I couldn't wait to be able to see his beautiful hazel eyes and his 6 teeth smile. His dad cuddled with him for awhile after that. They have been bonding more lately. Even at night, he is able to comfort our son successfully. When he went to work, we had breakfast. I had cereal and a bagel. He had an organic egg and oatmeal, peach and banana puree. We enjoyed each other's company and the food. We got dressed, brushed our teeth, and put on our shoes. When we were ready to go to work, the keys were missing. I had left them in daddy's car. I dumped the diaper bag just in case. They weren't there. So, with 7 minutes until 9, the time when we should be at work, I strapped him in the three-wheeled stroler and headed off south. I felt confident and surprised about this unexpected event. We needed some fresh air and some Vitamin D from the sun. We needed to immerse ourselves in nature. He loves to walk outside. We saw dogs, birds, and cars. He expressed his awe and concern for each one. When we stopped at the light, he followed each car from the left to the right, left to right. He was soaking up the world outside of our little apartment. As we continued to walk, I began to notice glass, beer cans, coke bottles, metal rings, etc.. I never noticed the litter before. I wondered how many times are our lives going by too quickly for us not to notice the little very important things on our journey. How many times have we missed our children laugh, smile, cry? How many times have we hurt someone in the process of getting a goal accomplished and not noticed? We just need to slow down and really pay attention. I needed to slow down. After the litter, I noticed a dogwood tree hiding in the woods. I hadn't realized that there was a dogwood near the place where I work. When you slow down, sometimes inspiration is waiting just around the corner. Dogwoods remind me of the woods where I grew up as a child. I wonder what our son will remember about his childhood? His hand is now on my arm wanting to take me on another path. Have a good day!

Friday is May Day

This week Friday is May 1st, also known as May Day. In the past, people have danced around May poles and given May Day Baskets. It comes around once a year at the mid point between the Spring Equinox and the Summer Solstice. As far as I know, I haven't participated in any May Day activities. Last Monday night, some ladies that I know and myself decided to create secret treasures and leave them on each other's door. We drew names, so that we could make extra special baskets. Early Friday morning, I'm going to ring a bell and, hopefully, leave before the person sees us. It will be interesting unstrapping and strapping a baby incognito. It will be an adventure. So, what to put in the basket...I'm still trying to decide. April showers bring May flowers, so flowers might be a good option. I was looking at some examples of baskets. I think that it would be a great idea to reuse materials from my house to appreciate the Earth and help teach my son to reduce, reuse, and recycle. Has anyone out there ever participated in May Day? What would you like to receive in a basket? I'm looking forward to the creative and kind expression of community. Let's celebrate May!