Washing Winter Away

Winter has been harder this year than it has been in the past, for me at least. It seemed that I had had enough of winter long before the senses of Spring started to penetrate my self. The birds started singing their sweet songs. I remember the songs from year's past with the fondest of memories. They're a reminder that winter doesn't last. Life's troubling situations don't last. The sun always rises. The birds return to sing their songs. The flowers bloom. Nature has a way of awakening onself from a hibernation of sorts. I can feel my spirit rising. I was so surprised to find these little flowers outside our front door. I called them baby flowers for my son. I love how God can grow us through the life outside, if we are just aware. I think of all the poems written including the birds of the air, flowers of the field, swaying trees, ever warming sun, and the guiding moon. Nature has affected so many people in so many ways for thousands of years. What an awesome blessing! We are reminded that Nature is not always a sweet to the touch aspect of our lives, such as in the case of earth quakes, tsunamis, hurricanes, and countless illnesses that we have to battle with on a moment by moment basis. Today, we're thankful to nurse in the grey tinted sun light coming through our window. Everything in the house is silent, except for the refrigerator and the ebb & flow of our breaths. Outside, the rain splattered earth is preparing wonders that some of us have never seen before. I look forward to sharing these wonders with my little one. I'd love to plant some myself for his and my own future ponderings. I hope that you've experienced a little taste of Spring. If not, hold on...it will be there soon! Blessings and Wonders to you all!

Winter White

So much has happened in the last few months, yet my mood seems to stay the same. I have been in a state of mild hibernation. Of course, the little man brings me joy on a daily basis. Then, the constant underlying state of neutrality begins anew. The midwest...the city in which I live really...has been covered in snow once again. Whenever I was a child, I lived on an old farmstead that was called home by my grandfather, his father, and his father. My dad spent a lot of time as a child at this place, as well. My brother, sister, and I would build snow men, make snow angels, go sledding, have snow ball fights... We would watch one of our parents build a fire on a nightly basis. It was our only source of heat. Our mom would warm of our pajamas in the dryer, so that we would feel warm after our baths. Winter, in short, was full of fun and comfort. I used to pray that it would snow.

As I grew in years, snow and ice started to mean different things. It was cold to walk to class. It was hard to drive on, and sometimes scary. I would, instead of venturing outdoors, read in the comfort of my four blue walls. As a mom, there's less time for reading. I also feel sometimes that it may be too cold for an almost two year old to be playing outside. I know that his dad feels that way all the time. I almost have to sneak outside play time in our daily lives, which means that we do not have daily outside time. We have built a snow man. We also have made snow balls. The little man likes to pick up the snow ball to throw it again, instead of making another one. At first, he didn't want to have anything to do with the snow, but now it is a wonder for him and wonderful for me to watch. The white stuff doesn't seem so foreign or menacing when the temperatures are above zero!

It's hard to breathe the same air all the time. I feel almost claustrophobic in my house. We are doing well, despite what feels like life's intermission (winter). I am so thankful for the friends that we have in our lives. If it weren't for them, I don't think that we'd venture out at all. It would be goodbye fall...hello spring. The little man is really developing quickly these days. He's imitating, exploring his independence, and talking a lot. Wow! I need to write so many things down! I wish that we had a tape recorder, so that I could record his voice and ideas as he matures. Getting to love him is the best...the very best...aspect of my life.

The sun is shining. We may get outside yet today.

Butternut Squash Disaster

Hello all! I'm sorry, no pics. We hope all is well. We have continued to work on the house. It's amazing when you start a task another unfolds right before your eyes whether you like it or not. The basement floor has been scratched, uncaulked, and recaulked. Now, it needs to be washed once more before we can paint and seal it. I would really like to set up a library downstairs. It would also be nice to be able to do some yoga without having to go out of the house and into the coming wintry weather. My husband is most excited to be able to use a garage for the first time in his life. :)

We have also been working on the yard. I've planted two blackberry bushes on the side of the house. I hope they do well. I have dreams of jam and pies. My mind constantly wanders to the future. I'm looking forward to planning and planting a garden, berry bushes, and fruit trees in the Spring. I am, originally, from an area where farming was the way of life for most people. I remember working in the garden with my grandma as a child. I loved planting seeds. I carried buckets to water them. Then, I watched them grow into beautiful spectacles of nature. I was amazed and still am at the work of God's vision. When it came time to harvest, I knew that the vegetables and fruit were locally grown with love. How I want to share these experiences with our son.

Speaking of the little man, he has been doing well. We have settled into our new home and are able to give him more of the kind of attention he so needs. He is working on being potty trained. He's attempting to say words like cracker, apple, done, and yogurt. He is what makes my world worth living. He's such a blessing from God. He helps me see myself more clearly. He is so patient with me and my journey in becoming the kind of mama he needs and the person I want to be. He loves to be outside. He likes to pick up sticks. He give hugs and kisses. He likes to be read to on a daily basis, which the english major side of me just adores. We have been attending a music class every Saturday. He can clap and keep to a rhythm. He dances to music. He likes having private concerts from his uncle and grandpa. He sings. I will sing and then he will sing. Sometimes, he will sing without being prompted. He has a wonderful voice. He is musically inclined and I plan to give him every opportunity possible so that he can deepen his talents and appreciation. He is wonderfully himself and I love every aspect, even his independence.

Borislav is doing well. He is trying to keep everyone happy at the homestead. He works all day in corporate america to come home only to work some more on the projects that mostly I have deemed necessary. I don't like being that person. It's just so hard to get everything done while I have such a willing little helper. He is also an amazing person in my life. He is so patient and willing to help. He listens. We had a delightful Halloween together. We carved a pumpkin for the first time with Ilia. Little man didn't want to have anything to do with the pumpkin guts. Afterwards, I drew out a sun on the pumpkin, which he carved. I really love the moments when we are all present together.

He has graciously turned over his car to Ilia and I to take to work. So, often times he walks to and from work. He would like to save up enough money to buy a car. I want a home birth. No, I am not pregnant. I hope to be in less than a year. Anyway, sometimes we will catch him walking down the street towards the house, and I have an overwhelming sense of love and appreciation for his sacrificial nature. I feel like just as long as we're together the world is balanced in place. Good man.

We have been enjoying the fall and friends. It's amazing how friends become part of your family. It helps me to understand the time when Christ rejected his mother and siblings. He said, "Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?" And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my heavenly Father is my brother, and sister, and mother." I understand more now. Sometimes friends treat you with more respect and consideration that your family. At least, that is my experience. We are all in this world together to help and love each other. We are not to demean and control one another. We are supposed to guide our children in the truth and respect them for who they are as people. I appreciate the life lesson that I have been learning. Can't we all see the light in all of us. Can't we see how similar we all are in reality? Maybe if we loved ourselves, we could love others. Or maybe if we loved each other, maybe then we could truly know ourselves and find love. I don't know. I've been thinking....

So, what's with the title? One of the first squashes that we bought, Ilia just loved. So, I bought two at the local farmer's market inspired by the movie Food, Inc. He does not want to have anything to do with the second one. I've tried a little cinnamonon on some bites, which he ate and found interesting. He's not so easily fooled. Yesterday, he started throwing bits on the floor. I really don't like to clean up messes of food. I really don't like it when food is wasted. I know that I need to get over that as a mom. Kids make food messes. Adults do too. I just don't like the negative intent. He looks at me and knowingly drops the food on the floor after he's been told for months not to do so. Hmm... So, does any body have any recipes that are tasty using butternut squash? We have one uncooked squash left. What to do?

Fall is Finally Here

Hello everyone!

As you can imagine, we have been working hard to settle into our new home. It is very exciting, but also exhausting. We've swept countless dog hairs off the floor. We've found dog hair in the refrigerator. We would love to have a dog someday (a cat for me), but with all this hair we're not sure anymore. Many boxes have been moved from the garage and organized somehow in the house. We still have quite a few left to peruse. They are mostly book boxes that will be going downstairs when the downstairs is actually clean. We have painted four rooms: ours is a darker green, our son's is the dark green from our room and a complementary lighter green, the spare bedroom is the light green from our son's room and a pale lilac, the living room is a pale buttery yellow. We've cut down trees. We've cut down bushes. We've pulled out ground cover that is very persistent. It creeps up every now and then with little green leaves. We've stained the deck in the back. Finally, we have come to a point where we can live comfortably and work on projects as we have the energy and the time.

There is so much more space here than in our apartment. It felt like home the first night we slept there. Our son can run around. He has his own room for the first time. It is a designated place for his toys, books, clothes, etc. This has been a great help for us who would like to keep things organized every once and awhile. Our room, thus, is not as cluttered. Although, there is still that pile of half dirty/half clean clothes that I do have to sort some time. There is a spare bedroom that contains a bed and also my craft ideas. I didn't realize that I've had so many ideas that have not come into fruition. Well, there is never a dull moment. I always feel like there is something to do, which is nice and not nice at the same time. Gone are the days when I could just relax. We are home buyers now. There are leaves to be raked, grass to be mowed, and house repairs that I know are looming in the midst. We need to insulate the house for winter. We need to re-caulk the bath tub. All in all, we take pride in maintaining our little place in the middle of the town in which we live.

Ilia has had a tough time through all these transitions. It was hard for him to not share as much time with the both of us. He wanted to help so many times when we were painting, cleaning, raking, etc. So, one parent has had to work, while the other takes care of him. I hope that we don't put out his desire to help. I hope that he just gets better at it. :) If he was not allowed to help, then he wanted to be held. It's hard trying to do things one handed. If he was unsure, then he wanted to nurse. It was obvious that he wasn't receiving enough attention, so we have put the downstairs on the back burner. He is much more well adjusted now. He has really developed quickly over the last month. He can say more words. He is more expressive. He found a new activity that he really loves: jumping. He likes to sing, dance, and imitate expressions to music. It is unfortunate that we cannot go outside more often. We have a very very bad case of mosquitos on our property. We were out for about 10 minutes the other day and 7 of them decided he would taste good. Poor guy! He can't even play in his own backyard. We need to do something, but we're not sure what.

The neighbors have been very welcoming. We've enjoyed walking around the neighborhood like we used to before we moved into my mom's house a couple of months ago. We've had more people over in the past two weeks than in the past 3 years of living together. We feel comfortable with the space and the clutter. Our house is open, peaceful, and inviting. We look forward to happy memories to be made in the future. We have so many plans and dreams that finally can be grasped like landscaping, gardening, and berry bush planting. I see a lot of pies, jam, juice, and suace in our future. I also hear faintly, very faintly the pitter patter of more than one pair of little feet. Oh...we love life. We love the changing of the seasons. I look forward to more nature walks and carving pumpkins with our little one. This is a time of change for us and we're growing beautifully.

Baby is Sick

In the last few weeks, we have made a few drastic changes in our life. We had been looking for a house since the middle of June. That was quite an experience. I checked the real estate ads almost every day for houses. We looked at houses almost three times a week for 5 weeks or so. It was like living at an auction for a month: always aware of the new houses on the market. I would be excited only to find myself let down. Finally, at the end of July, we found it. My mother is an avid reader of Craigslist. She had noticed this 3 bedroom with hardwood flooring house listed that day. My mom and I went to look at the house. Then, Borislav and I went to look at the house. We loved what we saw. The floors were hardwood. There was a decent sized back yard. There was a basement for all of our storage and a room for Borislav to have all to himself. It was quite perfect for our needs and wants. My mother encouraged us to make an offer. So, we did. We came to good terms. It now seemed that we had find a house at long last. That night I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about what I would paint the walls, what furniture could go where, what crafts could be made where, what foods could be grown, and so much more. I heard pitter patter of more than one pair of little feet. I feel sometimes that I am living a dream. It's real, fortunately. We have been approved. The house has been inspected. The sellers have agreed to fix all but one of our requests. The house has been appraised for more than the agreed selling price. Now, we are waiting for the lending process to be complete.

What are we doing in the meantime? Well, since we felt very good about the sellers and thought that the house would go through, we did not sign our lease. We moved out in about a week after finding the house. That was difficult. I have never moved with a baby before, and am thankful that we do not have to move again for awhile. It is hard to help a little one understand that mommy and daddy must pack, move boxes, clean the apartment. We are now living at my mother's place. My sister and her baby also live here. It has been a rough transition for all of us. We have different parenting styles, and our babies have different temperaments (bed times as well). Work has been steady. My car does not work, so it is at the salvage yard. I've had to bum rides for the last month or so. That's getting old pretty quick. I just don't think that I can handle trying to apply for two loans at the same time. I also am not sure how long I will continue to work. The need for another car might not really be a need at all.

In and amongst all this, Ilia has come down with a fever. He woke up all through Sunday night/Monday morning wanting to nurse. I didn't know what was going on until the morning. He was oozing mucus profusely-the yellowish goopy kind. I increased his fruit and yogurt intake. I nursed him more often. Yesterday, I found some crusty stuff in his ears. I cleaned them out thinking that it was just cereal. Today, the crusties were there again. Hmm...I called the doctor after a few sleepless nights, feverish days, and runny stuff. I really wanted his body to heal itself. The doctor was disappointed that I didn't give him more tylenol. I should have come in earlier with a sick son who has an ASD (Atrial Septal Defect). I don't believe in over-medicating children or adults. I wish that I knew more about herbal treatments. I think that these changes have been the hardest on him. Someone is awake...time for more mothering my sweet babe.