Wedding Act II

Then, as I was holding my dad's hand the pastor asked, "Who presents this woman to be married today." My dad said, " Her mother and I do." It was touching to me, because some people say "gives this woman." The pastor and I discussed the wording of this question weeks before. There wasn't to be any giving away, as if I was an object that could be taken. I also was touched because my parents have been divorced for longer than a decade, but my dad knew that it has taken the both of them to make me who I am today. They have both been and are there for me throughout my life.

Our mothers were able to be involved in the ceremony by lighting the candles that represented each root of our little sapling. That was their only part, but when I turned and looked both women were clueless. I tried to gracefully eye the candles and relate the message to them. I turned my head a litte less gracefully towards the candles. Then, I pointed with my thumb to no avail. Finally, I Egyptian half danced with my finger pointing back and forth to the candles. They realized almost at the same time what I had been trying to convey for a few seconds that felt like minutes. The candles were now lit, which was the cue for my sister to read a passage from the Bible: 1 Corinthians 13. This Bible was the same Bible my dad's mom used on her wedding day. Unfortunately, it was the King James version. Charity had been substituted for love. My sister was confused. I was surprised at my forgetfulness to warn her about the different version. She wasn't aware that there was another version. She did very well. I started absorbing all the things I could have done better in preparing for this special day. After the reading, my brother played and sang "In My Life" by The Beatles. It is, in my mind, the best love song that they ever wrote. It remembers all the loves before, but also sets apart this love that is new. Borislav and I were not each other's first love. We will never forget them, but we've been able to grow from our experiences with others. Love has a new meaning with the person for whom the song was seemingly written. Borislav and I have found our meaning together.

I've often felt that I didn't really begin to understand love until I was with Borislav. I think that before him, I was either too selfish or too giving. I learned how to give and take with him. I learned how to relax the control that I needed to have in my life. My life was no longer mine, but ours in a way. At least, a lot of the time in my life was going to be shared with him. I couldn't have these minor yet major expectations for him. I learned how to be patient. I learned how to compromise. I learned how to forgive. I've been able to share new life. I've been able to remember past lives. He has helped me be more comfortable with myself by just loving me the way that I am. He doesn't expect much most of the time. Sometimes, I wonder how we ever were interested in the other. He doesn't really like most of the music that I like. He doesn't read most of the books I do. He doesn't like to philosophize for hours. But, somehow, something struck a chord in both of our hearts that kept telling us that we needed each other. We were meant to be together. Despite, all the ups and downs we have been able to grow with each other. With God, we've created a life together. I think sometimes things don't have to make sense.

Borislav and I lit our unity candle that we made out of beeswax. It would be a remembrance to all the sacrifices and love that our respective families have given to us along the way. We were combining our ties with our ancestors to create a tie of our own based only on love and the commitment we have for each other. The candle burned brightly and was not to be blown out by the wind. It was a fairly calm evening. During this time, our friends Jeff and Ruth, were setting up to play a song for us. Borislav and I decided that we wanted Sonny and Cher's "I Got You Babe" sung at our wedding. It represents a young love that will stand strong through the storms of life, despite any adversity from family, finances, or fear. Jeff & Ruth and Borislav & I had a lot of adversity during the beginnings of our relationships. It's a very special song that was sung so beautifully. I would love to listen to it over and over. It was the best present they could have given except their friendship. They were instrumental in Borislav and I meeting each other the third time. Their band, Rutherford, played at The Music Cafe that night. Ruth also mentioned that he had asked a lot of questions about me. He was a friend of a friend of theirs. They are also Ilia's godparents. I feel so blessed that they are in our life.

My brother following this serenade read from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. The chapter from which he read was On Love. This chapter is especially meaningful because it basically states that love is not always easy and it is through the hard times that love grows. I could go on and on line by line of this section of the book philosophizing about love. I had marked the spot in the book, but it had become unmarked somehow. I had to find the place. I had wanted him to read the whole chapter. He read the first page. I should've been more selective or more descriptive on what I wanted, but I think that the message above was conveyed. After the reading, Borislav and I said our vows. He had written about a page and a half of vows. He really brought to mind what I feel love is like. He said that may our love never be saturated or dried up by the sun. Love is like a flower, so John Lennon says and I agree, you have to let it grow. How do you take care of flower? I told him that he was like a lighthouse during a storm. I had been wanting to get married for as long as I could remember. My parents did not have a good marriage, and I felt firsthand what an untended marriage can do to the people involved. I've always thought that if I could have a marriage of my own all the harm done would be healed. It would be like neosporin on a cut. The cut would still be there, but not as bad. Also, I feel the huge commitment it is to marry someone. I thank God for Borislav. He is hardworking and a devoted husband and father.

The next step was to seal the vows with the rings. Ilia was helped by his uncle to walk with the rings to Borislav and I. It was so good to see him and feel his energy so closely again. We exchanged the rings that almost didn't make it to the ceremony because we ordered them fairly late in the preparations. It felt wonderful to slip a wedding ring onto Borislav's finger. He doesn't wear rings, but he understands the meaning that a wedding band has for me. I think it is a way to show everyone that you are not available. You may not be available in your heart or mind, but other people need to know to respect the commitment that you have made. With the vows being said and the rings being slipped on, it was time for the kiss. It felt so good to be in the arms of my love. I felt the energy circling around us. We magnetically kissed, then pulled away to only have to kiss one more time. Oh...it was wonderful.

When we were introduced as husband and wife, we turned around and really were able to absorb the love that was emanating from our family members. Ilia had on my dad's shades. Our friend with a low resonating voice said "Yeah." It was an amazing moment. Nothing had changed between us and our family, yet I had this feeling of ultimate peace about being married. I felt even more complete. That feeling has not gone away. It feels really good to touch, grasp, and hold your dreams.

We both realized and realize that God has blessed us and our family, so we decided that for our first act as a married couple we would serve The Lord's Supper. We want to be growing with each other towards God. The pastor blessed the bread and juice, then prayed. Our heads were touching while we prayed. We felt as one. We served each other, then we served our family and friends. We didn't know quite what to say or do. After people took the bread from the juice, they formed a circle. When the last person was served, we prayed together for our marriage. We need all the prayer that we can get. Jesus says in Matthew 18:20, "For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."

As a closing, my dad played on his saxophone the song, "The Old Rugged Cross." That song is meaningful because it keeps in the fore front the ultimate sacrifice of love. Jesus died on the cross for our sins because of the love that he had for us. He took on all the burdens of all the sins that anyone living at that time or in the future would make. I know what it's like to feel guilty. I can't imagine what that must have felt like on the cross. He also showed his followers how to transcend ourselves: our selfish desires, thoughts, or actions for the benefit of the whole. I feel so much better when I think of others rather than myself. It's usually when I'm thinking of myself that I hurt myself the most. For instance, when I get onto Ilia for something that is really my fault. I aspire to be more like Christ every day. Our pastor said a closing prayer. Then, my dad surpised me with another song.

When I was about 10 years old or so, the radio host asked people to call in with a song of their choice. I wanted to hear "Going to the Chapel." I really liked The Father of the Bride with Steve Martin. The host asked me to sing the song, so I did. My family was swimming outside while the radio was on. My voice came over the waves to their surprise. My dad remembered this and decided to play this song at our wedding. I asked him if he wanted help. I sang and he played. It was like I was coming in full circle. I just got married, but he was still just as important in my life. We loved expressing our love for each other and life in this way. I would look at Borislav at all the opportune times in the song. I told my dad that it was a great idea when the song ended. I kissed his cheek, which concluded our ceremony. It was not without its flaws, but all in all it represented who we were and are and...we are married! Then, it was professional picture time that had my head spinning by the end.